Far From Near

There was a day last week that seemed to be almost ideal. After work I played 9 holes of golf and then I played basketball following that. It was this point where my ideal evening slipped away. The fun got cut short because I got elbowed in the head which caused a sufficient amount of blood to exit through a gaping wound. I won't go into all of the gory details, but when I saw myself in the bathroom mirror it looked like I had been in an action movie. A quick trip to the ER left me with a decision: small scar with stitches and part of my life I'll never get back spent at the hospital, or I could do what tough guys have been doing for thousands of years and choose a little bit larger scar and the opportunity for a much manlier story for years to come. I chose the latter. If I'm honest the only question I needed to ask was what option didn't involve a needle of some type.

My evening leading up to that point felt like my life was right where I'd wanted. I had been having fun since I got off work doing what I wanted, and then I was planning on coming home and enjoying some quality time with my wife while the day came to a close. Instead of being near that ideal, I found myself far from it...which I can prove because I've had to sleep with a towel on my pillow just to make sure I didn't get blood on my pillow case.

My night is a scaled-down version of what most of us feel in life. The other day I heard a song with the lyrics "far from here", but when I first heard it I thought it said "far from near". That moment brought clarity. I feel like I'm in a perpetual state of slowly sneaking up on my dreams and goals, my ambition, my ideal; only for life to happen, or I gain a different perspective, and realize how far away I am. It's like a giant pendulum swinging back and forth, taunting me with the sensation of being near only to pull me away again.

Typically these posts will be lighthearted, but I believe that there is an important message that I've stumbled upon. Most of us have a good picture in our mind of the person we want to become. My problem with that mindset, is that there is a gap in life between now and when we "arrive" and are that ideal person. Sometimes our dreams change and sometimes we have to wait for what seems like a lifetime for it to become reality. My concern is for the life spent in waiting; for my life while I wait. With the realization that our dreams might be just out of reach or far from near, we can be the people today that we want to be then. It is not the titles and achievements that define who we are, but rather our character (how we live life) and relationships (who we spend our life with) that make up our identity.